The Power of "Quiet Presence"

One day while on LinkedIn I received an un-expected message. It came from an Arne J. The message asked if I was the Mr. Hazen that was a chess Coach at Milwaukie HS in 1976, and if so, did I remember him. I told him that if he was the Arnie I was thinking of how could I forget. He was a rather lonely boy. Very smart and very shy. I asked him what he had been doing for the past 49 years? He said he went to college and overcame much of his shyness there and has a family, a career and successful life. He then thanked me for my quiet presence and encouragement.  I asked why in the world did he remember me from so long ago and could he please write it out so I could use it to encourage others who interact with people to practice “Quiet Presence”. His reply is below.

From Arne's Lens

Of course, I remember Mr. Hazen.

I was a shy, very awkward teen, who sought out the nerdiest corners of high school. Computers. Quiz Bowl. And Chess. 

Mr. Hazen was a school counselor and the coach of the chess team. He had long mutton-chop sideburns. He would corral us all in the library and bring out the chess sets, sitting quietly and watching the games. He'd occasionally offer a suggestion, but it was always gently given. 

I remember that we all just called him Harvey. Never Mister Hazen. 

Until the last week of my senior year. 1976. I stopped by the counseling offices for some paperwork and asked if Harvey was around, just to say 'Hi'. My counselor frowned, and told me that it was disrespectful to call him by his first name. So, for my last week, he was Mister Hazen.

Arne J.

Milwaukie High School Class of 1976

Reflecting on "Silent Presence"

Arnie made me reflect on the importance of what I call “silent presence”.  It is an art that many leaders, teachers, counselors and parents do not practice often enough.  We are not used to dead air space; we tend to have a need to fill it and often we fill it to the point that those we direct our words at simply tune us out. 

Here are some ways that “silent presence” can help you become that person who is remembered for not what they actively did or said but for just being there when someone needed them.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

 1. Encourages self-reflection:  Silence allows them to process their thoughts and emotions, leading to deeper self-
awareness and insight.

2.     2. Fosters active listening: Your presence shows your engaged and attentive, helping them to feel heard and
understood.

3.     3. Builds trust: Silence creates a safe space for them to open up and share their thoughts knowing you are fully
present.

4.     4. Allows for emotional release: Sometimes people just need to express themselves without interruption or
judgement. Your silence can provide that safe outlet.

5.     5. Empowers decision making: By not offering immediate solutions you empower them to find their own answers
and make decisions.

6.     6. Demonstrates empathy: Silence can convey understanding and validation, helping them feel supported.

Sometimes the right thing to say is NOTHING!